Heather Brown

I TOOK A RIDE

Happy New Year.
In 2022 I saved up all my money to go to Akita with one goal in mind - move to Japan. Here is how it all happened.

The story really begins long before March 4, 2020, but for the sake of this story, let’s just start here. On this day, I flew back to LA after having just started filming my first personal documentary project in Japan. 

Two days later, the song “I Took a Ride” by Caroline Rose was released. I didn’t know this at the time. More on this later.

As you all know, the pandemic was in full swing at this point, and on April 3rd, 2020, Japan closed its borders, restricting any foreigners from entering the country. The funding for my project was discontinued and my plans for filming in Akita for the spring, summer, and fall seasons were canceled. I was heartbroken.

It wasn’t until October 11th, 2022, that Japan reopened itself to non-citizens. I was working in New Mexico at the time, and on hearing the news, I immediately bought a plane ticket for January 23, 2023. I had been waiting for this day.

So, after three long years, I was ready to seize the opportunity to return.

I was looking for any possible option to stay in Japan longer than the 3 months allowed on an American passport.
If I wanted to keep doing work that inspires me, I knew I had to figure out how to live there long term.

So what does all of this have to do with that song I mentioned earlier?

Well, I first heard “I took a ride” after I picked up a Toyota Yaris with no snow tires in Tokyo and started my journey through Japan in 2023. The song came on as I drove through a tunnel, leaving Tokyo with a wide grin stretched across my face. I even recorded my goofy smile while the song played in the car, knowing that this was the beginning of something special - imagining a video in my head. It was just the start of this trip, but a journey that had begun a long time ago. 

I have always wanted to live in another country. And I suppose I have always been interested in Asian cultures. In high school, I studied Chinese and dreamed of traveling abroad one day. We had a class trip to China planned in 2003, but weren’t able to go because of a SARS breakout, so we ended up going to Chinatown in Chicago instead. I did finally get to travel abroad to Taiwan in college for two weeks to visit my high school classmate who had continued her Chinese studies abroad, but after going to Japan for the first time in 2014, I felt more grounded than I had ever felt anywhere. A sense of peace that was indescribable, and since then, I knew I had to live in Japan.

The trip began with the first night in Saitama. The next day I’d hop on an airplane to go to Osaka with a woman I met online during COVID. I took a train back to Saitama, drove to Yamanashi to visit friends I hadn’t seen since 2015, and then back to Tokyo to reconnect with people I hadn’t seen since 2014. I attended a seminar about buying houses in Japan for foreigners but learned if you aren’t a resident of Japan, getting a house isn’t that easy. So how do I become a resident? I had to find someone who could help me. 

What do I do? Get a job? Maybe I could enroll in a graduate school? Everyone kept saying “Why don’t you teach English?” Excuse me, but have you heard my English? Do you know how long it took me to write THIS?

All I wanted to do was to live in Japan so I could keep making my art and live a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle. If had learned anything in the past three years, (experiencing a mental breakdown, forced into a psychiatric hospital in New York, being dosed with antipsychotics, and diagnosed bipolar) mental health comes first. 

It was time to make art. 

It was time to make making art a priority.

I traveled from one place to another, visiting friends that I hadn’t seen in years, hoping that someone could help me figure out what to do. My heart was full of joy and hope and the determination of, as they say, “a woman trying to rearrange furniture by herself.” I was used to this sort of thing. Living by myself was something I knew well over the past 14 years in Los Angeles. For me, every day was 一人で (HE-TOE-REE-DAY) (by one’s self).

Each sweet little moment during the trip led to the next, and in an unplanned turn of events, I was no longer alone. 

I had three weeks left in my schedule, and I was running out of options. Where can stay? Where do I go? Who should I talk to? I landed in Japan with very few plans, it was the middle of winter in Akita, and I was in a very small town. I couldn’t find any affordable places to stay long term so I reached out to Yoshiaki and Eiko. I had stayed at their guesthouse right before I left Japan in 2020. Unfortunately, they were closed for the winter season, but with the warmest generosity, they opened their home to me and allowed me to live with them for three weeks as I continued to study Japanese, look for work, and try to find a place to live.

It was a goddamn miracle, to say the least.

We laughed as we exchanged languages. They taught me Japanese and I helped them with English pronunciation. They fed me the most amazing healthy food every day and we cooed over their little dog Lemon daily. They introduced me to their friends as if I was part of their family and because of them, I met Itsuka who provided me with a job opportunity so I could obtain a work visa.

Then, the day before I had to return to America, they showed me a house that needed a lot of work. No one had lived there for over 14 years. It was full of junk but if I was willing to do the repairs, I could live right up the street from them. I was in shock. It was my dream home. It was my dream community.

I left Akita in tears of joy and an intense fear that none of it was real. How was I supposed to leave now? Now I wanted to stay even more. What if I leave and I can’t come back? Would COVID rear its ugly head again and keep me out of the country? What was going to happen this time? What if none of what I was understanding was true?

I gave them the most American hug, and drove back down to Tokyo, stopping in Nikko for one night. 

In all of my travels to Japan, this was my first time getting a hotel reservation for myself. I have always stayed at cheaper hostels and guesthouses but found a good deal online and booked it last minute without any research. I got there late at night, went to the counter to check in, and staring back at me from behind the counter was a framed portrait of Isabella Bird. My heart dropped into my stomach. How was it that she was on the wall? During COVID, I read all of her books and became somewhat obsessed with her story. She was a woman who traveled to Japan during the Edo period and had even gone up to Akita. What were the chances? I asked about the picture as I was escorted to my room and the woman explained to me that Ms. Bird had stayed at the original hotel there in Nikko. My mind was blown. The magic of this entire trip was intoxicating.

The next day I went to the original Kanaya Hotel location and toured the sleeping quarters where she had stayed when she was there in 1878. It was surreal.

I took a couple of meetings in Tokyo hoping to make some work connections before I left, and then visited the famous cat shrine that I have always wanted to go to. Gotokuji Temple. The one in Chris Marker’s film, Sans Soliel. Legend has it that during the Edo period, a cat under the care of a priest at Gotokuji Temple led a feudal lord to safety during a thunderstorm. A black and white cat sat outside the entrance where I bought a little white cat figurine. I wrote Beau’s name on the back, adding it to the rest of the menagerie, wondering if I would ever be able to find it again if I came back to this place. I decided to take a moment to let everything sink in, so I sat on a bench and meditated on the immense gratitude of this entire experience. Just as I finished, it began to rain. I knew it was time to go.

When I returned to LA, I immediately started packing. Sorted through cookbooks, making piles of items I knew I wanted to take with me. I still had paperwork to do and didn’t have the final approval to apply for the visa, but I was so sure I would be back in Japan in just a couple of months. Right? Just as I was sure I would be coming back in Spring of 2020….I saw the parallel and had to remind myself regularly that everything would work out. I just needed to be patient.

I tried to be patient, waiting to hear from my friends in Japan about what I needed to do next. 

I spent the days organizing things at home, studying Japanese, and taking some yoga classes in any attempt to keep my mind occupied in healthy ways. I went to a coffee shop in Pasadena to do some writing after a gym class one day, and a woman sat down next to me. We started chatting and she asked if we could meditate together for a minute. Sure. She was a fig farmer who held meditation retreats on her ranch in Malibu. She started to talk about astrology, asked about my sign, told me she was a Gemini, and began to talk about family dynamics. I was confused as to why she was in Pasadena, but she explained that god sent her and then she told me to call my dad. This was especially odd because just the day before I had thought, “You know Heather, you are going to go live in Japan, maybe you should just call your dad and let him know. Maybe it’s a good icebreaker?” but I talked myself out of it. 

I told this woman how strange it was that she was telling me this now and she said maybe she was an angel. We exchanged information and before she left, she repeated, “Call your dad.”

So after a discussion with my therapist and giving myself a couple of days to think about it, I did it. I took advice from a complete stranger, and called my dad. We talked for the first time in 17 years. It was awkward, of course, and I cried… a lot. But in the end, I felt like I had a new power line plugged in. Like for years it had just been lying there on the ground, unplugged, and finally, it got repaired. He invited me to his house in Tennessee, but I hesitated to go see him in person. It was a little too intense to think about and I didn’t know what the timeline would be for returning to Japan at this point or how to fit the trip into my already unknown schedule.

Meanwhile, despite the strike, I took any job I could find. I got lucky and got to work with some of my best friends on Good Trouble and even snagged a few days on a Marvel gig. They were the most delightful days of work I had experienced on set in quite a while.

I completed an interview with City Hall in Japan and decided to take a weekend to visit my friends one last time in St. Louis. We spent a beautiful day at a sculpture park, laughing and throwing a frisbee around in the sunshine. It took my mind off the stress of moving to Japan, and I was finally starting to feel relaxed and carefree. We made plans to go to a Lucius concert the following day but I didn’t make it. After the park, we returned to my friend’s house where I got a phone call from my brother. 

He never calls me unless it is to ask about what to get Mom for her birthday or Christmas or something, so I figured it was Mother’s Day related. 

I answered. He sounded strange. What was it?

I fell onto the ground in utter shock when he explained that Mom was in the hospital because of a heart attack. I could hear in his voice that he was having a hard time knowing how to tell me the news. Within 20 minutes, Ashley and I were in the car driving to Kansas City. What were the chances that I would be in St. Louis on the day my mom had a heart attack? Not Japan, not LA, but Missouri. In less than 3 hours, we were at the hospital, where I couldn’t get in to see her because of her Jane Doe name, which happened to be “Indianazgzi.”(Which creeped me out a little, as Indiana was my childhood home.)

Luckily, Al, her partner, was already in her room, so he told us how to get in, and about 5 minutes later, my brother and his friend Amy showed up. He had just flown back from a show he was doing in Mexico. He got the call from the doctor during his plane change in Houston, when he called me. I can’t imagine his experience on hearing that voicemail.

Mom was completely incapacitated and hooked up to a ventilator. They told us that there was a good chance that if she did “come back”, she would have some kind of brain damage. 

We didn’t know what to expect.

Days started to go by. I slept at the hospital most nights. Taking shifts with my brother so someone could always be there in case she woke up. Many more magical things happened during those three months. More than I can describe here.

I saw my best friend from elementary school who happened to be in town for her brother’s birthday.

My aunt was also in the hospital and waved at us from the building across the way where she was getting treated while still fighting cancer.

I turned on an old slide projector I had kept in the basement to discover the word “creativity” spelled across the wall in katakana. The slides inside were completely random and I had never seen them before. I had gotten all of it at a garage sale years ago, and never had time to use it.

It’s hard to put all of this into words and there’s a lot more that can be said about this part of the year, but for now I will just skip ahead….

I stayed in Kansas City for 3 months and finally left after my mom was home, walking on her own and able to eat solid foods again. She was fortunate to not have sustained any brain damage and we were all very relieved and shocked at her progress and recovery, especially when the doctor had told us that only 6% of people survive an episode like she had experienced. It was a difficult time, to say the least. My brother and I fought a lot. The time spent together cracked open a pandora’s box of family dynamics and as each day went by, I began to realize why I craved so badly to build a caring and kind community of my own. This was one of the reasons why living in Japan was so important to me. Japan has always been a place where I feel like people are extra patient with me and where I feel like family despite being a foreigner. I started to see these patterns unfold in 2020 while I was filming and would have to go hide in the bathroom at times to cry, feeling so overwhelmed with emotions when a woman sat with me for two hours, teaching me how to fold a belt for a kimono. It was confusing. I didn’t understand why I was so upset. She was so kind to me and I was just happy to sit, listen, and learn. The act of generosity was so beautiful and new to me but I didn’t know how to process the feelings connected to it. So my body processed it for me, and it came out of me in the physical form of tears.

Leaving my mom’s house in Kansas City was filled with emotions, but I needed to leave, so I kissed her on the cheek and hugged her goodbye. She smiled and told me not to cry. But I did anyway.

Back in LA, the waiting game of getting to Japan continued. I still didn’t have my certificate of employment, so I couldn’t even apply for the visa yet. I kept asking how long it might take, but there was never a clear answer. No one seemed to know. It was the first time any of us had tried to do this sort of thing.

Since the waiting continued, I decided it would be good to take my dad up on the offer to visit him. So I flew to Nashville. I was nervous and at the same time, not at all. It was odd. Like meeting someone you’ve known from a dream and recognized, but you don’t know much about. His voice is a little different than I remembered, and he looks mostly the same, just older. It was a good reunion. We ate wagyu cheeseburgers and talked about cars. We FaceTimed with stepsisters and my half sister who I hadn’t seen since she was a baby. Overall, I was surprised at how long this person had just been in another corner of the world all this time. It was a short visit, but it was good and I needed those hugs. 

I flew back to LA and on the same day, the paperwork I had been waiting for arrived. I could finally apply for the visa. It was happening. I had everything prepared and ready to seal up in the envelope, I just needed this one form to complete the application to be able to submit everything to the embassy.

I didn’t know when to buy a plane ticket, because I didn’t know when the visa would arrive….assuming it would even get approved. I took a gamble and just bought the cheapest ticket I could find. Maybe August 30th. I booked the ticket.

Then, on August 23rd - it came. I had a one-year visa for Japan in my hands. I screamed. It was finally happening. I was going!

From August 24 to August 30th, I sold a few more things from my apartment and finished packing 15 pieces of luggage. I had dinner at my favorite Thai place on Friday night. Tom came over in the morning on the 30th to help pack everything up in his FJ. With a couple of cases strapped to the roof rack, it all just barely fit. Erin met us at the airport, and the three of us did a chain link operation of unloading while I worked with the guy at the counter to check everything in. I don’t know how I could have done it without them. I cried and hugged them both goodbye.

I arrived in Japan on the 31st and missed my connecting flight to Akita because it took a while to deal with all of the luggage, but on September 1st, 2023, I was finally home in Japan.

I am extremely grateful to so many people this year. I have learned that I am never truly 一人で (alone).
Thank you to Yoshiaki and Eiko Suwa for all of their hard work and efforts to help get me to Japan.
Thank you to Itsuka Narita - You are a goddess and I can’t believe I get the honor of working alongside you.
Thank you to the Kimurasans who welcomed me into their family and home.

And to everyone this past year who has continued to help and support me on this wild ride,
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

ありがとうございました。

This video is a small sample of many photos and videos I took on my iPhone during my journey in 2023. 
Thank you Caroline Rose for creating this song. This video wouldn’t be the same without it.

2023 TIMELINE

1/23/23  - Fly to Japan

1/25/23 - Fly to Osaka

2/1/23 - Drive to Yamanashi

2/8/23 - Arrive in Akita

3/11/23 - Drive back to Tokyo

3/15/23 - Fly back to LA

3/23/23 - Call Dad

3/31/23 - Fly to St Louis, MO

4/2/23 - Mom has a heart attack - Drive to KC

5/6/23 - Celebrate Mom’s 70th Birthday in the hospital (last time I see my Uncle Paul)

5/13/23 - Mom Comes home from the hospital

6/11/23 - I visit the Nelson Art Museum where the swallows circle me

6/12/23 - Return to LA

6/24/23 - DP 2nd Unit for Marco Fargnoli on Good Trouble

7/13/23 - Procedures at the Immigration Bureau are completed in Japan

7/8/23 - Japanese Heritage night at Dodger Stadium - Angels vs. Dodgers

7/19/23 - Discover Alf Channel

8/13/23 - Fly to TN to see my dad for the first time in 17 years

8/16/23 - Fly Back to LA and receive Official Paperwork from Japan

8/17/23 - Submit Visa Paperwork to LA Consulate

8/23/23 - Visa arrives in the mail

8/30/23 - Fly to Japan

9/1/23 - Arrive in Kazuno

9/30/23 - Celebrate my 38th Birthday in Akita

10/19/23 - Fly to Osaka for Hanshin Tigers documentary with James Payne

11/5/23 - The Hanshin Tigers win the Japan Series for the first time since 1985 (38 years ago…)

11/20/23 - My only uncle passes away after his 14-year battle with cancer.

12/8/23 - I get to sleep in my house in Japan for the first time

12/25/23 - First-ever Christmas in Japan

12/31/23 - First-ever New Year’s Celebration in Japan